So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize