my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can't special order awesome
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
