They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize