she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
