Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize