If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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