Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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