just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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