PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
