they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
