just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
