Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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