My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
