I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize