that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
