The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm like, not good at living.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
