Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
