u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
