I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
