she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
