Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
