I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
