You made me cry and you don't even care
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
