i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
