I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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