Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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