I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
another moral hangover. fuck.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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