Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
