We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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