Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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