New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
