you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize