So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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