I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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