Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
