quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
