I just pynch a tree in the face
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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