I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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