I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am midnight drunk by noon
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
50% drunk capacity currently
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
