Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
