We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
