Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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