You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
