i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
