when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
