Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
