I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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