Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
