She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
