i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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