im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
