I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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