Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
