This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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