he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
