She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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