girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
