I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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