I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize