you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
