I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
