take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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