Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
