So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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