im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
