I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
