ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
