got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
