She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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