dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
