when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
